You are everything to me
It had been 4 months since you left. Left me to be precise.
We were always together. You are always there for me.
To cheer me or to irritate me.
Nevetherless, I still appreciated your effort to be near me always.
The bonding that we shared nobody could ever understand. When night comes, you would never fail to snuggle into my bed. Sometimes occupying more than half of my bed.
When I woke up, no matter how sleepy you were, you would escort me to the bathroom. Sometimes insisting to be in the bathroom.
When i went out, you sent me off to the lift lobby.
When i came back, I found you seating cutely at the lift lobby waiting patiently for me.
Such a risk that you took, to be at the lift lobby. What happens if someone took you away?
Everynow and then I still ponders upon you.
The places that you used to be, sparked off memories.
My bed - Where you were struggling to grasped for your breath, where you tried your best to acknowledge me when I called your name, where you had your fits, where you bled, where you let go of your last breath.
My bedroom door - No more knockings on the door, whereby you'll came immediately upon hearing the knocking. It made you known as the 'Kuching Albab' .
Durians - No more sharing good durians with you. Always wondered where did you learnt to eat durian.
Squid egg - Whenever mum cooks lauk 'sotong hitam', I would always shared my sotong with you. No more.
Chain - The chain that you wore before you left is placed at the one of the stands at my bed.
Lift Lobby - No more do I saw you waiting for me. No more do I felt happy to step at the lift lobby. No more can you see Enell sending me off at the lift lobby.
Mom's plant - No more marks of you chewing Mum's plant. No more hearing Mum's complained that you are a vegetarian, always wanting to chew off her plants.
Living room - Lazying around there seemed different. You are no longer there to snuggle up to me and rest on my chest.
TinTin - she may be nice to cuddle, but she is so different from you. She doesn't like to be cuddled. But she had changed. Ever since you left, she had taken the role of do tryin to be there to comfort me. She misses you too. A lot. She no longer sun-tanned or roamed outside. Sometimes, out of the sudden she will Meowed loudly as if calling out to you..She no longer has anyone to bicker and plays with. She spent her time gaining weight only.
Cats - looking at these cats are now hard. Used to stopped and played around with stray cats. Now, it's different. Each and every one of them reminds me of you.
I remembered the day you left.
So sudden. You caught me unprepared.
But you managed to pull through long enough whereby it's only you and me. Thank you for holding on for as long as you could even though the veterianian mentioned from morning that you can't hold on long.
Enell doesn't blame you for going off just 7 mins before he arrives.
He tried to drive as fast as he could.
I had always wanted and thought that you'll be by my side forever. I know it's not possible.
But, at least up until my deathbed. I always wanted you to be there when I get married and to be able to give you a new meaning of life.
It's too late.
Four months you had left me, but only once you appeared in my dreams.
Why? Were you angry with me?
I felt bad.
Guilty.
To let you suffer loneliness prior to your death.
But I had no choice. I had thought it would make you better.
Promise me that you'll still looked upon me even when you are high up in the sky.
And not to blame me when I occasionally visits you.
I always wanted to visit you but it's hard to be there knowing that you are not in my life.
So, dearest Ashura or Cula...
Thank you for being a part of my life.
