DEAREST MAN IN MY LIFE
Happy Birthday Dearest Abah!
You turned 53 on 8th April 2007.
How times flies, you've aged.
I refused to believe that you've aged,
as you are always known to be healthy.
I remembered when i was small, you was so active in
jogging every evening, asking me to follow you to
exercise-which i am very lazy,
as i thought i'm already thin, so what for exercise.
Back then, you were active.
Playing soccer, sepak-takraw, carrom, jogging,etc.
We would also watch soccer at clementi stadium and
national stadium together. Few years back, i refused to believe
that you've aged.I don't want to believe that you had
reach half a century in life. I still see you the same as before.
Things change, i've to accept that.
1. When you fell sick with high fever.
Watching you sitting there with socks and T-shirt,
(normally, you'll be in sarong and with fan aiming at you)
2. Saw those everyday pills you had to eat for
your glucose level and control diabetes
3. Saw and helping you prick needles into you thumb to
extract a drop of blood to test your glucose level.
Recently, when i saw you limping, it hits me the most.
Watching you limped as your left leg aches, was bad.
It made me realize how 'old' you had reach.
Last Friday, when i accompanied you to Sungei Rd,
You were so happy.
I was happy too.
As i watched you walked from behind, you did not limp.
I know you like to walk and see-see things.
It had been ages since we had our night walk
back in our old house-West Coast.
You used to pester me to accompany you
to have night walk to Ginza Plaza.
On the way, we would stop to buy fruits or look at the
newest electrical goods. Just doing this made you happy.
I remembered being lazy and do not want to have night walk,
you would sulked and sometimes proceeded to walk alone.
I felt bad.
I remembered how close we were when i was little.
How daddy's girl i once was....
But as i grow up, when we moved,
there's a distance.
Yes.
I've found another dearest man in my life,
whom treats me like you once did.
I adore him.
I adore you too.
I cherish and treasure you always.
Even though you rather be on the other side,
when i am there helping and defending you.
I felt down. Angry.
That you set me aside.
You would however, be in my heart.
No matter what.
What i longed for, is to really really hug and kiss you.
Before going off to work, on your Birthday,
on my Birthday and everyday since you've aged now.
The repel power is between us somehow.
Each time i shook your hand,
we just silently acknowledge our care and love for each other.
I don't want that.
I want to hug you often,
see you smile often...before either of us are gone.
Sometimes, i wondered if my close bonding with abah
would be in the blood of my child, and my child would
in return have such a close bonding with their father....
Then, i would be jealous.
On the other hand,
i want them to have this special bonding i have with abah.
Bah,
Thank you for teaching and growing me up to be a good person.
With all your philosophies, nagging, stories, and using of knuckles
instead of cane to reprimand me.
i treasure it.
Thank you for replying to my messages with 'i love you 2',
when i messaged you.
I know it's hard for you to msg that, let alone say it.
I know you always want me to listen to her as
she comes first before you, but it's hard.
Given that her attitude is unpredictable.
I'm glad TinTin is still here to accompany you
now that Ashurais gone,
but who will be there when TinTin is gone and i'm away?
Who shall calm you when the storm is blowing...
love, Adek.
